Warren D. Carter

Wien, Österreich

8.March.98

Parenting Principles in Proverbs

Why Proverbs?

The purpose of these proverbs is to teach people wisdom and discipline … people will receive instruction in discipline, good conduct, and doing what is right, just, and fair. These proverbs will make the simple minded clever. They will give knowledge and purpose to young people … fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Only fools despise wisdom and discipline.

#### Pr 1:2-7

A review of some of what I shared at African Fellowship last month, and then an extension of the list of principles based on my readings in Proverbs since then.

The verse I started off with 3 weeks ago was:

… let us work towards complete purity because we fear God.

II Cor 7:1b

Purity is a grace of God requiring our work – it doesn’t just happen

How can a young person stay pure?

By obeying Your Word and following it’s rules.

I have tried my best to find You – don’t let me wander from Your commands.

I have hidden Your Word in my heart, that I might not sin against You.

Blessed are You oh Lord; teach me your principles.

I have recited aloud all the laws You have given us.

I have rejoiced in your decrees as much as in riches.

I will study Your commandments and reflect on Your ways.

I will delight in Your principles and not forget Your Word.

Ps 119:9-16

This passage describes how young people in your local church can live a pure life before God:

Live according to God’s Word.

Seek the Lord with all your heart.

Memorize Scripture and share it with others.

Have a teachable spirit.

Rejoice in the Lord for His provision.

Meditate on the Word.

Take joy in following His will

Some thoughts for children to ponder

##### So what does God really say about this? OR

Can we know with certainty how the Lord has designed us to learn?

# A wise child accepts a parent’s discipline.

Pr 13:1a

Commit yourself to instruction; attune your ears to hear words of knowledge.

Pr 23:12

###### What does the word discipline mean?

One OT dictionary [Wilson’s OT Word Studies] defines discipline as: chastisement and instruction

Another [Pfeiffer’s The New Combined Bible Dictionary and Concordance, 1965] says that it’s a: calling to soundness of mind or self-control

A 3rd [Fleming’s Bridge Bible Dictionary, 1990] says that it: should be both a penalty for wrongdoing and a form of training

##### What’s in it for me? OR

Tell me two good reasons “Why?”

To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction.

Pr 12:1

If you stop listening to instruction, my child, you have turned your back on knowledge.

Pr 19:27

A person without self-control is as defenseless as a city with broken down walls.

Pr 25:28

You are what you eat OR

It’s plain for others to see:

Even children are known by the way they act, whether their conduct is pure and right.

Pr 20:11

Diamonds don’t sparkle in the dark OR

“They’re not really bad guys – and doesn’t God love them, too?”

My child, fear the Lord … and don’t associate with rebels. For you will go down with them to sudden disaster.

Pr 24:21-22a

##### You can run – but you can’t hide OR

God knows everything:

The Lord’s searchlight penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive.

Pr 20:27

For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes. An evil man is held captive by his own sins; they are ropes that catch and hold him. He will die for lack of self-control; he will be lost because of his incredible folly.

Pr 5:21-23

God originated the discipline process for His children OR

Why God Corrects:

My child, don’t ignore it when the Lord disciplines you and don’t be discouraged when He corrects you. For the Lord corrects those He loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom He delights.

Pr 3:11-12

God’s purposes in discipline are to correct faults, teach obedience, and bring us ever closer to the fullness of life and character that He desires for His children.

Surly you jest! OR

Your Christian parents are God’s chosen vessels for your “training” in righteousness:

My son, obey your father’s commands, and don’t neglect your mother’s teaching. Keep their words always in your heart, tie them around your neck. Wherever you walk, their counsel can lead you. When you sleep they will protect you. When you wake up in the morning, they will advise you. For these commands and this teaching are a lamp to light the way ahead of you. The correction of discipline is the way to life.

Pr 6:20-23

Cautions OR

Honour your mother and father:

If you curse your father or mother, the lamp of your life will be snuffed out.

Pr 20:20

Woe be to him who falls into the hands of the living God OR

his parents – the Consequences of Rejecting Discipline:

For they hated knowledge and chose not to fear the Lord. They rejected my advice and paid no attention when I corrected them. That is why they must eat the bitter fruit of living their own way. They must experience the full terror of the path they have chosen. For they are simpletons who turn away from me – to death. They are fools and their own complacency will destroy them. But all who listen to me will live in peace and safety unafraid of harm.

Pr 1:29-33

Afterward you will groan in anguish when disease consumes your body and you will say, “How I hated discipline! If only I had not demanded my own way. Oh why didn’t I listen to my teachers? Why didn’t I pay attention to those who gave me instruction? I have come to the brink of utter ruin, and now I must face public disgrace.”

Pr 5:11-14

What is your real purpose in life? OR

The Benefits of seeking out/ accepting discipline:

My child, how I will rejoice if you become wise. Yes, my heart will thrill when you speak what is right and just. Don’t envy sinners, but always continue to fear the Lord. For surely you have a future ahead of you; your hope will not be disappointed. My child, listen and be wise. Keep your heart on the right course. Do not carouse with drunkards and gluttons, for they are on their way to poverty. Too much sleep clothes a person with rags. Listen to your father, who gave you life, and don’t despise your mother’s experience when she is old. Get the truth and don’t ever sell it; also get wisdom, discipline, and discernment. The father of godly children has cause for joy. What a pleasure it is to have wise children. So give your parents joy! May she who gave you birth be happy. Oh my son, give me your heart. May your eyes delight in my ways of wisdom.

Pr 23:15-26

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The 11 Principles on Discipline for Parents

The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children after them.

Pr 20:7

###### Principle #1: Discipline starts with the parent’s walk before the Lord

Discipline is one of the middle steps in parenting children. The first responsibility of parents is to walk with integrity before the Lord. As our children see this and imitate it, their lives will be blessed … and there will be fewer occasions requiring discipline.

Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it.

Pr 22:6

###### Principle #2: Discipline has more to do with teaching than punishment

Discipline should help teach how to avoid doing wrong … and how to do what is right

– which means that parents must have a good understanding of spiritual principles and proper behaviour.

The goal is not to break your child’s sinful will and force them to do what you say is right – as this can often lead to simple surrender to your greater strength … and a future of resentment, rejection, and rebellion.

Discipline should not be focussed on a contest of wills, but rather on the development of a child’s character and values – so that they (a) want to do what is right, (b) are able to do so, and (c) make good choices.

So discipline will involve a lot of listening to your child’s feelings and thinking, communicating your expectations and standards, and encouraging godly responses.

A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness, but discipline will drive it away.

Pr 22:15

###### Principle #3: No child is naturally good or angelic

Physical punishment cleanses away evil; such discipline purifies the heart.

Pr 20:30

###### Principle #4: God’s plan for correction calls for discipline

Discipline must be carefully planned out ahead of time, to avoid the chance of it appearing random or without purpose.

With Christopher, there were several situations that we decided, automatically called for discipline, e.g.:

-- disobedience,

-- rebelliousness,

-- lying/ deception,

-- showing disrespect for others’ property or feelings, etc.

But we also decided to attempt

1. to avoid public discipline whenever possible (to minimize embarrassment),

2. to reduce the fear component by striving to eliminate as much of our anger as possible,

3. to keep away from piling on the guilt by revealing our personal disappointment,

4. to focus on “problem situation” rather than creating a win/ lose atmosphere,

5. to fix a punishment that fitted the circumstances,

6. to define our expectations and limits – in light of his understanding and needs, and

7. to reinforce our love for him by cuddling/ lying with him immediately after a spanking.

If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don’t love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them.

Pr 13:24

###### Principle #5: IF you care for your kids, you’ll follow God’s plan

###### Principle #6: Discipline has to be administered in love – not anger

Key thoughts here are discipline early, with care, and consistently.

We’re reminded again that God has given parents the primary responsibility for their children’s discipline

– not school officials, Sunday school teachers, police, or any others.

If discipline doesn’t arise out of your love for your child, then it’s wrongly motivated.

###### Principle #7: Discipline must be prompt … or else

Discipline your children while there is hope. If you don’t, you will ruin their lives.

Pr 19:18

For (some people), mere words are not enough – discipline is needed. For the words may be understood, but they are not heeded.

Pr 29:19

###### Principle #8: Words are oftentimes insufficient

###### Principle #9: One of the keys to effective discipline is – has it produced the desired effect?

Don’t fail to correct your children.

Pr 23:13a

###### Principle #10: Discipline must be consistent – or it will not be effective

You must also follow-through with the consequences – to help your children learn what the family expectations are, and the penalties for not meeting them. Otherwise, when you allow the natural consequences to occur, you could be accused of being arbitrary.

They won’t die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death.

Pr 23:13b-14

###### Principle #11: Spanking is necessary … but doesn’t have to be brutal or abusive

Occasionally, your children will need extra help to be responsive. Recognize the extreme sensitivity of the moment though, and use a piece of moulding or a cheap ping-pong paddle – makes a big noise and smarts a bit, but they don’t do any real damage and will break if swung too hard.

Closing prayer OR

##### What’s one good example of how I could summarize all this for my children?

My child, listen to me and treasure my instructions. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight and understanding. Search for them as you would for lost money and hidden treasure. Then you will understand what it means to fear the Lord and you will gain knowledge of God. For the Lord grants wisdom! From His mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of good sense to the godly. He is their shield, protecting those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of justice and protects those who are faithful to Him. Then you will understand what is right, just, and fair, and you will know how to find the right course of action every time. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will fill you with joy. Wise planning will watch over you. Understanding will keep you safe. Wisdom will save you from evil people, from those whose speech is corrupt. These people turn from right ways to walk down dark and evil paths. They rejoice in doing wrong, and they enjoy evil as it turns things upside down. What they do is crooked and their ways are wrong … follow the steps of good men instead and stay on the paths of the righteous. For only the upright will live in the land, and those who have integrity will remain in it.

Pr 2:1-21

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Additional references for further study & discussion:

Deut 8:5

II Sam 7:14-15

Job 36:10

Ps 38:1-4/ 89:26-33/ 94:12/ 118:18

John 9:1-3

I Cor 11:32

II Cor 1:3-7/ 12:7-10

Eph 5:25-27/ 6:4

Heb 5:8-9/ 12:5-11

Rev 3:19

Parenting Principles-Prov

6.Mar.98