# FUNCTION OF GROUP LEADERS

1. Remember that as a small group leader, you are a facilitator:

Your first inner response to what is happening in group may be to be:

- a teacher
- a Bible Study leader
- a therapist
- a “Dr. Laura” advice giver
- a fixer
- a rescuer.

Resist the temptation and chose to respond in more helpful ways by drawing the group’s members into dialog with each other.

2. A leader must model vulnerability and hope by the way you tell your story.

- You should know the themes of your life and ways that it has been redemptive. For example, in Genesis 50:20 Joseph said to his abusers, “what you meant for evil, God meant for good.” How has Christ redeemed your story as He did Joseph’s?
- One of the themes in Joseph’s life was betrayal: first his brothers, then Potiphar’s wife and finally the chief cupbearer. But God was with him bringing him to the place of honor, seated next to the king and able to ministry to his family and save them from famine.

3. A leader must model responses to stories and invite others to do the same.

Responses are not more questions, or trite answers. Pray that you can hear with your heart and respond from your heart. This is difficult but vital to bringing truth and grace to the person who may be in shame over telling the story.

What would you like to hear after telling your story? Is responding difficult for you?

4. A group leader must know how to process the here and now.

For example, anger that is addressed and reflected upon, resolved and returned to is a very productive experience. To learn to use anger to look into the soul rather than run from it is a bonding experience for a group. Things to process would include withholding, lack of eye contact, tears, fear, staying in the head, being a spectator only. Steer the group into the here and now by carefully watching what is taking place in the group as far as facial, bodily and verbal responses. Then ask questions that will allow members to talk about what they are seeing, feeling and thinking. As the group matures, they will interact without the leaders who can then sit back and watch until it is time to highlight, summarize or process what is happening.

5. A leader's heart must be open to enter the story of others, weeping with those who weep and rejoicing with those who rejoice, grieving losses and applauding change. Invite others around the table to do the same. Is it easier for you to weep or to rejoice?

What would need to happen for you to be able to do both?

6. Co-leaders are a team. No one is in charge of the other. We have varying gifts, strengths and weaknesses. When possible, I will pair leaders who are more experienced with those who are newer and have a different relational style.

While one leader is working, the other watches responses in the here and now. The leaders can then lead the group to processes what is happening. The leaders should be able to summarize for the group what has happened during their time. For example, “The theme tonight was mothers who betrayed us. As you reflect on what has happened here, what new insights do you have?” Or, “How have we betrayed others?”

What difficulties have you had in the past working with a co-leader?

7. Co-leaders need to process together following a meeting to have the opportunity to learn from each other about what they did that was helpful and areas that need change. We provide a processing sheet for your use. You can pray together about the needs you see in group members and ask the Lord to move into people’s lives to bring about hope, deeper faith and the ability to give and receive love.

8. Leaders model good boundaries that help people feel safe.

For example, tell the group you will watch the time, making sure everyone gets a chance to speak and give the group a 10 minutes warning that time is almost up.

Let them know that you may do a time out in order to have a “teaching moment” or redirect the flow if someone is taking too much time or has not spoken at all.

Remind them about the “no touching without permission” and tell the reason why.

We don’t want to rescue others out of their pain, but rather enter it with them. It is all right to feel. We won’t stop the tears.

Ask permission the first few times to touch as in hugging.

What boundaries do you think you need to be aware of as you are planning to lead?

9. We are to model what it means to love one another and provide a community of grace. The question on your mind and the prayer of your hearts needs to be. “What does it mean to love this person and extend grace at this time? This will require of you humility, patience and a dependence on the Lord who is there to guide and to love through you.

10. Leaders need to pray with one another and for one another: before and after group and silently during group. When appropriate pray in the group setting not as a way to stop pain but to recognize are only source of power and change being the Lord.