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Reading/Book notes/Radical Candor.md

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+# Chapter One
+
+The two parts of radical candor are: care personally, challenge directly.
+ 
+Caring personally can be accomplished by "bringing your whole self to work". Bring your whole self to work means caring about people. It may mean being hated--even though you care deeply, personally about everyone on the team!
+ 
+The hardest part about challenging directly is not giving it to others, but creating the environment where they can give it to you. This may make _you_ angry at _them_ and can be hard to deal with!
+ 
+Being radically candid is not accomplished by simply starting your feedback with "let me be radically candid with you"! You have to care personally. It also does not mean saying everything you want to. A good rule of thumb is to leave three things unsaid every day.
+ 
+Radical candor is not about endless communication that exhausts introverts. It's not about endless activities together to "build team". It's simply being human.
+ 
+You may need to adjust what this means by country, team, company, etc. Not every "radically candid" practice will translate directly as you apply it in different contexts.
+
+- In Israel, respect and caring personally was shown by being extremely direct and even aggressive in communicating with each other
+- In Japan, it was more about being persistently polite
+ 
+# Chapter Two
+
+Creating a culture of open communication
+ 
+Caring personally and challenging directly = radical candor  
+Challenging directly without caring personally = obnoxious aggression  
+Caring personally without challenging directly = ruinous empathy  
+Neither = manipulative insincerity
+ 
+A useful quip: "it's not mean, it's clear". Being clear can _avoid_ being mean later--like firing someone after not being clear about their work early enough!
+ 
+When praising, giving specific praise is best.
+ 
+Most people for a "competent asshole" than a "nice incompetent". You don't have to choose between the two. You can be a competent nice manager.
+ 
+Ruinous empathy doesn't work because it's aimed at making someone feel better instead of helping someone improve at their job.
+ 
+# Chapter Three
+
+You have to understand what motivates each person on your team--how does their job fit into their life goals?
+ 
+In WWII the US Air force started to bring their best pilots home to train the next ones. This lead to finally defeating the Nazi air force because they tended to fly their aces until they were shot down.
+ 
+I would say that Justin Strandburg is a "rock star" (rock of Gibralter type rock, not Guns 'n' Roses rock star) and that Ezekiel Pierson is more of the super star. Ezekiel is ambitious, rising quickly, learning a lot.
+ 
+Rock stars need to be recognized as valuable to the company--they get a lot done--and not disrespected for being "b players". I should be careful to no try to promote them, if they are happy in their current jobs. We don't want to fall into the Peter principle where workers are promoted to the position of least competence.
+ 
+Super stars need to be continually challenged.

Reading/Book notes/Shepherding a Child's Heart.md

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+# Introduction
+ 
+Xvii.
+
+- Is this true from our observation of culture?
+- Are we specifically in this boat too?
+    
+    - What direction have we received?
+    - Are we applying it in our parenting today?
+- Claims about our culture:
+    
+    - Lost its way regarding parenting
+    - No sense of direction
+    - Can't direct ourselves
+    - Have children, don't want to be parents
+    - Need to quench personal thirst for fulfillment
+    - Children viewed as a liability
+    - Parents minimize time with children
+    - Quality over quantity time
+
+Xviii.
+
+- Is this our generation or our parents'?
+- Written in 1995
+    
+    - Protests in 60s led to rebellion against authority
+    - This led to cultural rejection of authority
+    - This affected parenting by destroying the "do as I say or else" method of parenting
+- "the old ways of parenting no longer work" - did they ever? Was it effective or did it just lead to the rebellion of the 60s?
+- Parents have responded in two ways
+    
+    - Give up (parenting is impossible)
+    - Keep trying old "john wayne" methods
+
+Xix.
+
+- "the only safe guide is the Bible" - refreshing for me, when all other authoritative sources seem untrustworthy
+- My thought: success in parenting, as with other things in life, is dependent on our view of God and his revelation (the Bible). If we believe it's His word and we can trust it, we have a solid way forward. If we don't, we have no way forward. We become the judges of how to parent. We first have to be humble to submit to His authority on the matter.
+- "God's ways are no proved inadequete; they are simply untried". I feel like my parents, because they were first-generation, serious Christians, did go to Scripture and the Lord for biblical parenting.
+    
+    - Was this everyone's experience?
+    - Or is what they saw more the "God's ways were untried" experience
+- Biblical parenting
+    
+    - Kind authority
+    - Shepherding children to understand themselves in God's world
+    - Keep gospel clearly in view
+    - Goal of someday living in mutuality
+- Authority - nothing new, we all live under authority, whether parents or not. No surprise that parenting includes this aspect as well
+    
+    - Are we embarassed to be authorities for our kids? If so, what in our culture makes it that way?
+        
+        - Movie representation of parents?
+        - "scientific" methods of parenting?
+
+Xx.
+
+- "empower them to be self-controlled" - is this why authority is "embarassing"? It's not understood as an empowering tool?
+- Jesus is our example in "kind authority" -- though God, He came to serve
+- "children generally do no resist authority…" -- powerful statement. But important that it's a mix of truly kind and selfless authority
+
+Xxi.
+
+- "Values and spiritual vitality are not simply taught, but caught" - we need to be examples in deed, not just word
+    
+    - how can we do this when we're tired, exhausted parents?
+        
+        - Refresh ourselves
+            
+            - Dates
+            - Church
+            - Friends
+            - Vacation
+        - Watch out for each other
+            
+            - This book study
+            - Get together
+            - Mom's get-togethers
+            - Guys nights together
+        - Stay connected with the Lord
+            
+            - Church attendance
+            - Quiet time
+        - Sacrifice! It’s not easy
+
+Xxii
+
+- Not simply well-behaved (external)--the gospel works from the inside out
+- Gospel enables accurate picture of yourself and God
+    
+    - I'm a sinner who fails
+    - God is righteous who saves with great grace
+- Keepable standard
+    
+    - Because they're not christians?
+    - I do it because it's easier! Not good….
+- Impossible standard forces facing the gospel--powerful statement, never thought of it this way
+ 
+Xxiii.
+
+- "Each child will examine" - how else can we prepare? It will happen, give them the tools to do it well
+- Mutuality as people under God - seems a long way off, but I’m looking forward to it, what a reward